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Borderline Personality Disorder and Over-training

I’ve identified a big problem with my exercising. Finding my kettlebell lifting bliss is a double-edged sword, in that it’s fantastic that I’ve found something I love to do that keeps me fit, but I like it so much that I tend to burn myself out and over-train.

It took me awhile to admit this pattern to myself, but it’s apparent when I look back at blog posts and workout logs I keep sporadically. I get so jazzed up, especially when just a week of kettlebelling gives me almost immediately visible results. It’s also really fun and invigorating, and helps regulate my mood. I am addicted to working out!

I should also mention that I struggle with a few different mood disorders. I have borderline personality disorder and have had major depression in the past. I also have anxiety and anger problems, with a history of alcoholism, which runs in my family. Being active has literally saved my life. For the most part, I am able to keep myself sane and balanced just by walking, playing with kettlebells, yoga, and a sensible diet. I still have days when I feel paralyzed by self hatred and lethargy, or days when I can’t seem to do anything but cry, and this actually happens in a pattern that corresponds with my menstrual cycle. Basically PMS really fucks with me bad. But a good, intense, short kettlebell workout always makes me feel on top of the world.

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I am toying with the idea of going gluten-free for a week or so to see if it helps me minimize the occurrence of mood swings even further. But the thought makes me anxious, so I have it on a back burner. I keep telling myself that when my food budget increases I can make even better choices, but I need to work with what I’ve got. I’m thinking about allowing myself potatoes and rice, but no wheat or gluten, and still stay eating on the same schedule I’ve been doing, which is Carb Back Loading style.

This is related to my original problem of over-training because my BPD (borderline personality disorder) causes me to act very impulsively at times. So if I get on a lifting kick, I will do kettlebell work all day long, or do 2 or 3 workouts in a day. Or work out 3-4 days in a row too hard. Then I will hit a wall and not want to do anything, and start to experience low mood. Maybe tweaking my diet will help me be more balanced in the way I approach my kettlebell practice. I know that such sporadic intensity is not a good thing, and I sometimes injure myself by overdoing it.

I also plan on trying to use yoga and meditation to help me stay in touch with the present, and in tune with myself, which are both are things that are affected by BPD.

Today I did a nice kettlebell workout outside, that was just jumproping sandwiched with sets of cleans, windmills, swings, single-leg deadlifts, and goblet squats. Little bit of everything! 🙂

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Me, high on endorphins and feelin’ fine.

Tonight I’m making some braised cabbage (recipe from Nom Nom Paleo) and chicken legs. Both recipes make a lot, so I can have some to take to work for a few days’ lunch. I find it much easier to stick with my plans when I have lots of options ready to go in my fridge, like hard-boiled eggs, meatballs/patties, and steamed broccoli.

Auf Wiedersehen!

J

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